Posted by
ShiningCity on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 12:00:00 AM
SOMETHING TO DO on a boring day in Colorado Springs: April 15, 2010.
Setting: General Motors dealership
Shiningcity sees the salesman eye her as she closes the door on her 4-year old Cadillac. "Yippie!" she thinks to herself, a coy smile crosses her face.
Beaming, she extends her hand as "Bill, the Salesman" approaches with the typical over-eager skulk. He follows her around the lot as she ambles among the new Escalade hybrids (with optional rocket launchers). "Like to take one for a spin?" he hisses. "Sure..." she says and adds a wink. "How about the blue one?" I love blue, she mumbles to herself.
45 minutes later, after puttering around the Broadmoor hotel and ascending the pass to Woodland Park, they return to the dealership (she needed to check acceleration on mountain passes). Undeterred by his foot tapping, incessant glances at his watch and remarks about the cost of gasoline, she thoroughly evaluated this SUV. "This is a nice Escalade, you know, as far as Cadillacs go," she chortles. "I mean, there's the Expedition to consider as well. And, the Dodge Durango..." He stares at her blankly. He doesn't get it, she thinks. What a goof. The dumb ones take the fun out of it.
"Wanna go talk about cost?" Bill asks, in that eager way that men ask for things. She looks at her watch. It is almost lunch time. She notices Bill the Salesman nervously eye the empty parking lot and glance longingly across the street at busy Toyota. She almost feels sorry for him; he's not solely responsible for GM. Almost feels sorry--he is a car salesman.
"Sure," she says. "Let's go talk about cost." And she follows him inside, where The Rest of Them are performing their "duties." After Bill the Salesman scampers away to summon the sales manager, she notices the receptionist's Coach bag. It's from the new collection. She stifles the urge to ask the receptionist if even she belongs to the Union. "Salesmanager Dean," in a Ralph Lauren polo, approaches with the same over-eager skulk and slither. Unable to help it, she shakes her head and laughs a little.
Two hours with Salesmanager Dean and she's thinking she's clearly outdone herself on this trip. Typically she only spends about a hour with the Chrysler and Ford sales managers because she gets hungry. Salesman Bill looks encouraged as she and Dean emerge from the cubicle. Dean looks rather haggard. She's thinking the Berry Salad at the Keg restaurant in Manitou Springs sounds great for lunch.
"So, where do we stand?" Salesmanager Dean asks, as Bill leans in, hopeful. She smiles, "What do you mean?" "With the truck?" they say in unison. "The Blue Escalade? Do we have a deal?"
"You want more money from me?" she asks, pretending to look startled. She considers what she's cost them: 4.5 hours of time and a half tank of gas--piddly, really, when you make the comparison. "A Real Man on a 25 billion dollar Welfare Binge would just give me the keys and a lift into the driver's seat. Where are your manners? It is a nice truck, though. Good luck selling a lot of them..."
She whistles as she walks away, enjoying the echo.
SOMETHING TO DO on a boring day in Ft. Worth: April 15, 2010.
Setting: Ford Dealership
Jimmy Carter sees the salesman eye him as he closes the door on his 4 year old Explorer. "Cool!" JC thinks to himself, a sinister smile crosses his face.
Approaching with his hand extended,"Hi, I'm Ben Johnson," momentarily blinding Jimmy with his bleached teeth.
"Jimmy Carter, nice to meet you."
Wearing his "lawyer" shoes, Jimmy expected outstanding service.
"What can I do for you today?" "Well, BJ, I would like to get one of your Expeditions." Jimmy recognized the
"$ $"
eyes in the face of the salesman because this wasn't his first time shopping.
"There are several to choose from: the XLT, the Eddie Bauer, the Limited..."
"Which is considered the best of all of them?" Jimmy asks knowing the answer.
"That would be the 'King Ranch EL'," BJ stated gleefully.
Jimmy's reply,"Why, shoot...Let's get one of them!"
BJ immediately lead Jimmy over to the showroom model for his inspection.
"Can We take one for a spin?"
Excited reply,"Absolutely!" the saleman ran to get a demo.
"I have to run a couple of errands."
We first began Our expedition driving around Loop 820, the interstate that completely circles Fort Worth.
"I gotta drop this letter off at the post office."
BJ uttered,"Well, there was one next to the dealership."
"Oh, I promised I would meet someone for dinner in Irving."
BJ looking out the window while passing the dealership,"You could stop and get your.......[head turned facing the back window]...that's fine."
"I just remembered I needed to pick up a few things at the grocery store."
BJ sighed,"I'll just wait in the car....again."
"We're almost out of gas. Have you got a gas card on you?"
Fidgetting, BJ pats his pockets,"Uhm...er...no, I sure don't."
"Then I guess we can just go back and pick one out."
BJ's face glows with excitement.
Back at the dealership BJ says,"I'll go get the paperwork started."
Jimmy replies,"I've already completed the paperwork."
"You have? With who?"
"The IRS. This morning I paid My taxes and noticed America purchased Ford. I'm here to pick up the one I paid for."
BJ stammers,"Uhm..er...actually You still have to purchase that auto."
Jimmy sternly replies,"We just gave you $25,000,000,000 and We get nothing in return...and you have the audacity to ask for MORE money from Me? Good luck with that. I'll go do business with a company that understands capitalism."
Jimmy and his "lawyer" shoes walk back to the Explorer thinking about their next target.
*May Sales Reduce Proportionately